Archive for November, 2006
Mildly funny
Subject: Room 302
Anyone who has had a loved one in the hospital will enjoy this.
A woman called a local hospital –
“Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information about patients?”
I’d like to find out if a patient is getting better, doing as expected, or getting worse.
The voice on the other end said “What is the patients name and room number?”
“Sarah Finkel, Room 302.”
“I’ll connect you to the nursing station”.
“Third floor nursing station .
How can I help you?”
“I’d like to know the condition of
Sarah Finkel in Room 302.”
“Just a moment. Let me look at her records.”
Mrs. Finkel is very well. In fact she had
two full meals, her blood pressure is fine. She is to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours, and if she continues this improvement, Dr Cohen is going to send her home on Tuesday.”
The woman said “What a relief. Oh, that’s fantastic.”
That’s wonderful news”.
The nurse said, “From your enthusiasm, I take it, you are a close family member, or are you a very close friend?”
….. “Neither. I’m Sarah Finkel in Room 302. Nobody tells me NOTHING!!”…….
Add comment November 10, 2006
“Two-fifty” Recipe for Neiman Marcus Cookies
$250 Neiman Marcus Cookies
* 2 cups butter * 24 oz. chocolate chips
* 4 cups flour
* 2 cups brown sugar
* 2 tsp. soda
* 1 tsp. salt
* 2 cups sugar
* 1 8 oz. Hershey Bar (grated)
* 5 cups blended oatmeal
* 4 eggs
* 2 tsp. baking powder
* 2 tsp. vanilla
* 3 cups chopped nuts (your choice)
Measure oatmeal, and blend in a blender to a fine
powder. Cream the butter and both sugars. Add eggs and vanilla, mix together
with flour, oatmeal, salt, baking powder, and soda. Add chocolate chips,
Hershey Bar, and nuts. Roll into balls, and place two inches apart on a cookie sheet.
Bake for 10 minutes at 375 degrees. Makes 112 cookies.
Add comment November 6, 2006
SO! You want a divorce?
A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 60 miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. “I know we’ve been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce.” The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 65 mph. The husband speaks again. “I don’t want you to try and talk me out of it,” he says, “because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and she’s a far better lover than you are.”
Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 75. He pushes his luck. “I want the house,” he says insistently..
Up to 80. ”I want the car, too,” he continues. 85 mph. “And,” he says, “I’ll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!”
The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him nervous, so he asks her, “Isn’t there anything you want?”
The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice.
“No, I’ve got everything I need,” she says.
“Oh, really,” he inquires, “so what have you got?” Just before they slam into the wall at 85 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles. “The airbag.”
Add comment November 2, 2006
Almost too real to be funny…
Family
A man in Florida, in his 80s, calls his son in New York one November day.
The father says to the son, “I hate to tell you, but we’ve got some troubles here in the house. Your mother and I can’t stand each other anymore, and we’re getting a divorce. I’ve had it! I want to live out the rest of my years in peace. I’m telling you now, so you and your sister shouldn’t go into shock later when I move out.”
He hangs up, and the son immediately calls his sister in the Hampton and tells her the news. The sister says, “I’ll handle this.”
She calls Florida and says to her father, “Don’t do ANYTHING till we get there! We’ll be there Wednesday night.” The father agrees, “All right.”
He hangs up the phone and hollers to his wife, “Okay, they’re coming for Thanksgiving. Now, what are we going to tell them for Christmas?
1 comment November 1, 2006
